It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
