My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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