Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize