70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
