I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
