Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I would ride that face into the sunset
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
