Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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