did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
