Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
