Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
