My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
