I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
