And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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