It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
