how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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