idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
