...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
