and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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