I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
