I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
