He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
