I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
