somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
