How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
