just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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