2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
