i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize