i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
