He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
