I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
