I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
