This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
