i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
he was CRYING into my vagina
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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