There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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