I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
