I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
my liver is dry heaving
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Idk if I want to put a bra on
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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