you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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