Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
