Kiss
Puke
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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