I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
