I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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