Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
