Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
