R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
