does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
