dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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