I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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