Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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