either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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