thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
