just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
