I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
