just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
