Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
