the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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