I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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