You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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