when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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