I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
