Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
