Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
