I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
