In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
