I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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