I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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