I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I need a burrito and a hug.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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