i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
