I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
