Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i jhust puked up my retainher.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
